Monday, March 7, 2011

Dirty Thirty

I know why they call it that now.  And it's not what you think.

I turned thirty this year and have recently realized that being an adult ain't all it's cracked up to be...

This year I'll be married 10 years.  TEN YEARS!  I actually happen to think this is AWESOME!, but wow 10 years.  A lot has happened in those 10 years and it reminds me that I'm a real adult now.

This year I'll be out of high school 12 years.  I'm old enough to be some of those kids mom now.  Creepy.

This year I'll be out of college 7 years.  I have had a REAL career for 7 years now.  I can't play the new grad card anymore.

This year my oldest turned 6.  How in the world did that happen?  Shouldn't she still be, like, 2?

This year my babies will turn 3.  It seems like I should still be miserable pregnant with them.  Those 3 years went by too fast.

This year I realized I'm not the same person I was even a few years ago.  I vote differently, I don't put up with bullcrap, I'm more outspoken about certain things, I'm more laid back about other things.

This year I realized that being some one's friend means something totally different now.  It's not about slumber parties and passing notes anymore.  People have their own agendas now.  It's hard to be friends and I've had to walk away from a few friendships over the past couple of months.

This year I've realized that I value simplicity.  There are some days that I just want to scoop up my little family and move to a cabin in the woods somewhere.  No TV, no mall, no school activities, no WalMart.  I'd be baking bread and the girls would be out catching fish and gathering berries.  Simple.

This year I've seen people I grew up with change, grow apart, die.  It's hard to realize that people that you associate with your hometown and your childhood are different or gone now.

This year I've learned to trust less.  This is really sad for me.  There are very, very few people that you can trust anymore.  It seems like everyone is out to better "me".

This year I've learned that making decisions...even small ones...takes a lot more thought than it used to.  Want to take a road trip?  Now we have to plan where to stop along our way to ensure clean bathrooms and chicken nuggets for the girls.  Want to buy a new toy, or shirt, or candy, or anything?  Have to plan carefully to avoid fights between the girls.

This year I got my first gray hairs.  Like, real ones.

We were planning big things this year in celebration of our 10th anniversary and my 30th birthday.  Renewal of our vows, a trip to Hawaii or Colorado- without kids, a night out with friends, a weekend alone together.  Things don't always work out like we plan - plans change, people change.  Our real plans this year are not renewing our vows (wow, that's a lot of work!), a family trip to Colorado (our kids are too little to stay with someone a week without us), a night out alone (again-the kids), and hopefully one of these days we can coordinate a night out with friends.

6 comments:

  1. Growing up is weird. It was literally like a switch flipped for me and I realized I wasn't a kid anymore. It's hard to swallow, especially since the "me" in my head is the same as it has ever been. Great post.

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  2. When I turned 30 last year, I made a book with pictures from my celebration and I wrote in it, almost the very same thing you have written here. Thirty has been liberating for me because I know, without a doubt, who I am and what I believe in!

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  3. Fantastically transparent post, I thoroughly enjoyed it! Being 42, unmarried with no kids, but one amazingly wonderful kitty (she's 7...shouldn't she still be 6 months??) it really made me think how the time went by, and where I've been brought to as a person. Again, thanks for a beautiful and thoughtful piece...

    Dug
    http://thf2.wordpress.com

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  4. Wow. Thank you for sharing this. Growing up sucks sometimes. And you are right about friends. It is so hard to find friends that are trustworthy and sincerely give a darn. And even then, I find myself without the time to spend checking in on them or helping them out like good friends do. I'm hoping that will change when my kids get a little older. Anyway, thank you for your Dirty Thirty post. =)

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